Session 3

Why do we apologise? 

I say sorry a lot, sometimes for the most mundane thing. I learnt that growing up from the many instances when I was told to say sorry for doing something that was 'bad'. Maybe that was warranted back then, but most things are justified when you are young, and you don't know any better. People tell you anything, and you do it because you cling to them for your survival. Except for the folks in question are themselves fighting to survive. They are a subject to a society that requires their subjugation to prosper. Given the community in question, it's hard to say that anyone was on the right path. People have done horrific things in the name of social good.

In some other cases, the people you are dependent are influential, controlling and in many cases, predatory. Jeffrey Epstein is an extreme case, for example. I've been watching a documentary on Netflix. The unnerving thing is how willingly a lot of these girls participated in the whole affair, in many cases, luring other girls to the same trap. Yet they are labelled victims. There is no accountability taken, and that irks me.  But I understand, all too well. The adults in our lives never raised us to be accountable or responsible. They didn't raise us to be free thinkers, strong and independent. They were Sheep, and like sheep, they imbued their offspring with the same sheep-like tendencies. So when the lion came, they were taken with ease. 

I think I am getting off track, here so let's get back to the question.

Why do people apologise? It brings to mind a wolf in submission to an Alpha. A beta shows its belly to the pack leader as a sign of resignation,  further reinforcing the status of the Alpha in their position.  

But even Alphas have darks sides and are themselves capable of a great deal of incompetence and stupidity. It brings to mind the story of Cain and Abel. By all intents and purposes, Abel is the Alpha as chosen by God and Cain, whose sacrifice is not accepted is deemed the inferior man. So he slew his brother out of resentment. I wonder what would have been if Cain simply ignored the status quo and instead directed his efforts on his own self-fulfilment. 

Again I feel I am getting off track...

Ever since I was raised like Sheep, I have been inclined to act as one in every facet of my life, and that has made me susceptible to all manner of manipulations by a seasoned predator. That has made me angry and resentful. Towards the status quo and has put me at odds with authority figures of any kind. But I am not just a victim, I too am responsible for relinquishing myself to the tyranny of evil men (and women). 

So what must one do in the face of it? Do I destroy my ideals? Do I apologise and ask for forgiveness?

Questions do need to be asked of authority to understand the reason behind its intentions. One must be willing to reject its aims if it fails to live up to my goals. 

One thing is for certain, it helps to be informed, formidable and competent. To be informed is to understand the game being played, and to be formidable is to have the capacity to say No and to have the ability to secure other options. Without any of these, one is left with nothing else but to apologise. 
It is an act of insecurity, a desire for safety when one is exposed and weak. There is nothing more dangerous than weakness. It breeds resentment, then hate, and finally destruction. So what is the cure? I'll save that for another post.